Well, I don't remember where I left off, probably somewhere in northern Thailand on my 4-day rush back to Bangkok to meet my friends from Seattle. Thanks. I made it to Bangkok. 2 days in a sardine can, I mean slow boat down the Mekong staring at the amazing hills, watching villagers fish and pan for gold in the river, elephants pulling logs down the beach, a stop for one night in Pahk Bhong cause the boats can't run at night. Another day of the same, but this time instead of wooden chairs, we get wooden plank benches no more than 6 inches wide. The 2nd day was also closer to 9 or 10 hours instead of 7 or 8, and we were delayed for a half an hour so we got to Huek Saiy at the Thai border almost an hour after the border closed. That shot down my plans for meeting my friends when I thought they would be there, so I find a guest house, sit down, drink some beer, play the Kharn and some cards all night. The next morning, since I know I'm not in a hurry I don't want to get up...so I don't. When I finally head to cross the border at 9:30 or 10:00, walking down the riverbank to the immigration exit point, I see my two friends from Cambodia coming into Laos. We talk and hang out for a while till the speedboat driver gets impatient and tells them they gotta go. We get our Laos exit stamps and head across the river to the Thai side called Pak Bhong.

At this point, knowing I'm going to be approximately 6 hours late to meet my friend, I decide trying to go to Chang Mai then to Bangkok seems ludicrous and walk around finding a night bus to Bangkok. I wait the extra 5 hours for the bus and get on in a first class bus this time. Normally I don't take them, but every now and then when you've been traveling too much, you begin to feel like you have no legs, and I decided the extra $3 was worth the legroom. Welllllll the extra $3 got me a lot more than legroom. I had massage chairs, plenty of room, a neck pillow, free food at the rest stops, and a beautiful Thai hostess bringing us snacks and drinks on the bus. The 14 hours straight didn't seem that bad anymore. I get let off at the bus station at around 3 in the morning and hire a tuk-tuk to take me back to Banglumpoo to find a guesthouse. It's now the high season, and with the aftermath of the tsunami still lurking in traveler's heads, Bangkok is quite busy. No guesthouses have a room. I wait around till 8:00 and look at a guesthouse room for $3. I've never seen a more dingy decrepit unclean room in my life. It looked like a maid had never touched a thing in there. Cobwebs hanging off everything, the room smaller than an average sized bathroom. I barely fit in there with my backpack. Despite having not slept much, and being fuckin beat, I decide to wait, cause even I didn't want to stay in that room, and that's saying a lot. I've stayed in my share of shit holes out here, and none of them bothered me, but there was something about this one that was bad. I think the sign was I had to use 3 keys before I could open the door. The first key broke off in the lock, the second key just straight didn't work, and by the time I had gone down and gotten the third key, I knew I wasn't staying there. In reading my email at this point waiting for a guesthouse, I find out that my friend came in on monday, the day that was encroaching on me now. You can tell the communication between him and me were great before he got here, I didn't know what date he was coming in, and he didn't have a clue as to what to do when he got to Bangkok.

I get my guesthouse, some sleep, and some of the bomb Bangkok food and wait around to go to the airport to get the boys. I book a mini-bus to the airport, which normally takes an hour, and we get to the airport in about 30 min. Our driver was nuts. We didn't crash so I actually enjoyed the roller coaster, I mean ride to the airport, but not everyone in the car did. As soon as I walk into the terminal, I see the arrivals screen, and the boys flight with on big word next to it.........DELAYED........ 3:15 eta. It's 11:30. Time to find something to do. I didn't bring shit to the airport with me cause I'm going to pick up all there shit, so I walk across the road/highway to the ritzy fuckin airport hotel and sit down to read the paper. I came this close to buying a glass of beer for 145 baht (when there normally around 40) but didn't. I managed to spend a few hours reading, then went outside for a smoke, and up pulls a cop motorcycle with its lights on, then another one, then a cop car, then a Volvo with flags flying off the front, then several Mercedes, then several more cops. The cars and people all move around in mass confusion, as the Yuppie business men walk inside to check in to the hotel. The move cars in and out of parking spaces, move bags between trunks, and they all look like no one has a fuckin clue as to what the hell is going on. I'm standing dead smack in the middle of the whole thing, and nobody even noticed me. I think I don't have enough money to be that important, and I'm fuckin glad. My life is much easier. They all take off and I walk around still waiting for the plane. At about 3:30 the plane finally lands and people start showing up out side. At around 4:00 I spot my friends.

I know how bad the plane ride is, and my friend is especially susceptible to things like that, not to mention that if anywhere would, Bangkok would be the place to give him a panic attack. They got off the plane, and yeah, they looked like hell. I shuffle them into the taxi line and hand them there hotel key I picked up earlier in the day. I get them into their hotel, and we sleep. The next day I introduced them slowly to all my friends wandering around in Bangkok and slowly the start to get acclimated. My friend is still freaked out by the place, but he did just walk into insanity. One of the girls, Ard decided that she especially likes me, and claimed me so I'm no longer fresh meat to the crew. I liked it better when I was fresh meat. Now it's my friends turn. We make plans to do this and that, and of course never get to any of them.

The next day we wake up before noon this time so we can all move into one nice guest house with three beds, a plug for my laptop, and a hot shower for my friend(how the hell he can take a hot shower in this fuckin heat, I don't know). We find one just down the street and get our room. I notice ac on the wall and go flip a switch to make sure it works. Standing on the bed I reach up to see if cool air is coming out of the ac and the fan became so jealous it decided it didn't want me to know if the ac worked so it attacked me. It felt like the blade hit the bone it my arm, but some how it hurt very little, just left a nice gnarly looking gash. It's sometimes hard to tell if a ceiling fan is possessed, sometimes they start squeaking right as your about to fall asleep, taunting you and keeping you awake, but the evil spirit that took over this fan decided to straight out attack me. It of course has nothing to do with the fact that I stuck my arm into the moving fan.

Finally I can get spicy food again, and is it ever fuckin spicy. We hang out for a few day, me making music and starting to get going slowly on deciphering the 25 hours of conversations for the documentary. We decide were starting to get bored hanging out all the time and head to introduce my friends to the wonders of pat pong and the infamous ping pong shows. The scam at these shows is they let you in for free, but charge you to leave. Well we find a show where the guy promises us we will pay nothing if we buy a beer. We go in, and I almost run right out in repulsion, except the look on my friends face. He loved it. That's a sick man. I think they found the only 3 pissed off fat Thai chicks to stand on stage and do the so-called show. There was also nobody else in the whole place except the staff. We order our beers, me and my friend bearing it to make my other friend happy, and the lady comes over trying to charge us 3 times the cost of our beer. Fuck that, but thank god, we left. The next place was a lot more like it. I think the funest part of these shows is walking into the door. As soon as you get brought in, you get ushered into your seat with about 5 lovely Thai women each, sitting with you, on you, massaging you, feeling you, talking to you, and of course trying to get money from you. My friend was freaked out and didn't want any of them to touch him. I've experienced it before, so I relax and enjoy it while its here, but my other friend takes full advantage of it, and with in minutes has chosen his girl, and is getting a sort of lap dance. The shows are quite medical, and ridiculous if you think about it, but the evening is always entertaining. They do things like pop balloons by shooting darts, throwing bananas, dropping ping pong balls in a cup, picking up rings and putting them on a bottle, smoking cigarettes, and stuff like that all with their cooch. My friend was sitting with a girl right in front of him, while I was getting a massage, and my other friend was just in his own world, when the other girl that was sitting with me, who's now doing the banana show throws the banana at my friend, almost hitting him in the face. He knocks it away right into the back of the other girls head. The both start flipping out realizing what they're holding, and why it's so slimy. I couldn't stop laughing, and I don't think our other friend even noticed. A little while later a large deaf girl came up to all of us, as she does to everyone offering bj's. We all say no and ignore her, but she sits and starts talking to my friend via writing everything down. Half way through their conversation I realize she's trying to buy my friends craftsman hat. His hat has two LED lights on the bill, and a switch on the back. She loves it. My friend negotiates a deal to sell the hat for 550 baht($14) if and only if she gets him a ping-pong ball from the show. She comes back in about two minutes with a ping-pong ball and some cash and my friend sells her the hat. She's now in love with him, and wants to swim to America to merry him. Ha. The clubs closing so we hop a taxi back home and go hang out with the girls for another hour or so before going to bed.

We stuck around Bangkok long enough, as I do every time, to see the Buranakarn Trio, my favorite jazz trio play one of there best sets I've seen. The next day we hang out in Nee's internet shop all day waiting till we take the train. As soon as I get to the train station, most of the Thai guys I see all motion me to play the khaen. The train conductors, and staff are also standing around as I feebly try to play my new instrument for them. Having never taken the train before I'm a little confused, but I know we bought three sleeper tickets on lower beds, not upper. We sit down in our seat/beds and this guy who bought a ticket for above my friends is telling me I'm stupid cause he's saying that he is sitting in the seat, which is half of my friends bed. Not knowing if I'm right, even though I'm sure I am I just wait and let the whole thing play out. Soon enough the ticket taker/bed maker comes around and the dick is up in his bunk behind the curtain where nobody notices him. We get our beds setup, and to my surprise they're coming around selling drinks, so I have a beer. I've been looking forward to this train ride for a while and it sets in as soon as we start moving. We sit around watching Simpsons on my laptop, and hanging outside the train on the steps for smoke breaks till we finally fall asleep. They wake us the next morning for breakfast, I eat and go right back to sleep. I finally have to get up about 20 min from Chang Mai.

When we arrive my lovely Ma and Uncle are waiting at the station for me with a Song Tao, (these kind of pickup tuk-tuk deal) and we drop off our bags and get some food. We walk around seeing a little bit of the city before finding a guesthouse down some small alleyways. We go our own ways and meet up later for the show. In Chang Mai they have several places where they host alternately a drag show, and amateur Muay Thai(Thai kick boxing) We watch the show for a little while, then go to meet some of ma's friends including my new aunt, and head to the Bubble Club. The Bubble Club is crackin. Within minutes, I'm introduced to my uncles ex girlfriend, a goddess of Chang Mai, who takes a little to much liking to me.



We get taken to another club that supposedly opened up again that night, and our personal escort is waiting outside for the cops to show up. As it gets late, and we get tired we head back to the guesthouse and pass out. My introduction to Chang Mai is intense, but I already like this place better than Bangkok. The heats still intense, the smog thick, but it's not as bad or nearly as humid as Bangkok. I can tell I will be spending some real time here, glad to be away from the possessed ceiling fans of Bangkok.